# Crazy sayings....



## Al B Cuttn Wud (Oct 14, 2007)

My dad always told me he could easily tell the difference between a good carpenter and an amateur........an amateur needs half inch calking while a good carpenter only needs quarter inch calk.....:laughing:

Anyone else got any good ones.....


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## jlhaslip (Jan 16, 2010)

A blind guy on a galloping horse would be happy to see that.


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## mandos50 (Oct 31, 2010)

"A gap big enough to throw a cat through."


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## Gene Howe (Feb 28, 2009)

"Can't see it from my house."
"We caulk to fit."


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## Kenbo (Sep 16, 2008)

"The only bear I ever shot, was a rabbit and I beat that to death with a stick."


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## Longknife (Oct 25, 2010)

"No worries,the painters will fix that" (Carpenter's saying when the joints aren't perfect)


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## fshrmn43 (Apr 2, 2010)

A good carpenter knows how to cover-up his mistakes.


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## Roger Newby (May 26, 2009)

Takes a mighty big dog to weigh a ton.


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## cabinetman (Jul 5, 2007)

"Until you're the leader of the pack...you'll always have the same view."












 











.


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## jack warner (Oct 15, 2010)

a good painter is a carpenters best friend


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## Kenbo (Sep 16, 2008)

"I think my dog is a blacksmith dog because everytime I kick him in the arse, he makes a bolt for the door"


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## Gene Howe (Feb 28, 2009)

"when you come to a fork in the road, take it."


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## cabinetman (Jul 5, 2007)

Gene Howe said:


> "when you come to a fork in the road, take it."



That's like: "Take you're last left turn".












 











.


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## joesdad (Nov 1, 2007)

_*Hit it with your purse!...*_That's what a foreman yelled up to me while I was trying desperately to wack a tripled 2x10 over a half inch with my hammer. I almost fell off the ladder laughing.


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## Gene Howe (Feb 28, 2009)

"A day without sunshine is like.... night." 

"The forecast for tonight is.....dark"

And my favorite from MSNBC "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."


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## prestonbill (Oct 27, 2010)

Or " Dumber than a box of hair":blink:


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## TexasTimbers (Oct 17, 2006)

Anything Yogi Berra ever said. Gene quoted one. 

This has quickly morphed into something that belongs in the Off Topic section but woodworkers could use a coffee break every now and again. 







.


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## Itchy Brother (Aug 22, 2008)

Crookeder than a dogs hind leg.The masses are arses.In the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.Up the road a piece.Don't touch me your not my uncle!


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## rrich (Jun 24, 2009)

"Take you're last left turn"

In another life, I participated in Time and Distance road rallyes (SCCA type). 

We encountered the instruction:

Right, last opportunity.

What this turned out to be was a right turn just before entering onto private property.


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## Streamwinner (Nov 25, 2008)

I have to thank garryswf for sending this to me in a private message awhile ago: "Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest."


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## Gene Howe (Feb 28, 2009)

Steamwinner,
The quote under your avatar cracks me up, too.


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## rrich (Jun 24, 2009)

Streamwinner said:


> I have to thank garryswf for sending this to me in a private message awhile ago: "Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest."


Reminds me of a scene from Monty Python...


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## jlhaslip (Jan 16, 2010)

It started out cross threaded, but now it's all flanged up.

(something broken got fixed)


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## unisawyer (May 7, 2010)

Nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. ... Aint worth a pint of cold piss.


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## Hendo446 (Nov 25, 2009)

It's six one way and half a dozen the other.


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## burkhome (Sep 5, 2010)

Slicker 'n fresh sh.. on wet leaves.


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## Nate1778 (Mar 10, 2008)

"Sweatin like a hooker in church"
"Busier than a one arm paper hanger in a wind storm"

"Hangin in there like a hair in a biscuit."
"Busier than a $3 hooker on nickle night."

"Cut it twice, and its still too short"


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## joek30296 (Dec 16, 2009)

"Beat it to fit...paint it to match".

"Even a blind hog'll find an acorn every now and then".

joe


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## rrich (Jun 24, 2009)

As my father would say,
"Eat it or wear it for a hat."

(To this day I still detest most sea food.)


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## rcp612 (Mar 25, 2008)

I still use the one my Dad used a lot:
"It might not be pretty but, it's hell for stout!"


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## phinds (Mar 25, 2009)

It's possible that something Microsoft said might be true, but that would be a coincidence so you shouldn't count on it.


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## davesplane (Apr 26, 2010)

no problem said the blind man to his deaf dog as he asked for his hammer and saw.


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## Fishbucket (Aug 18, 2010)

*" eh... close enough for the girlfriends you go out with "*


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## Nate1778 (Mar 10, 2008)

My dad always says in regards to my woodworking hobby,


Holding up one finger on one hand and two on the other hiding the rest as if they were not present anymore, and states;

"In shop class we only have three rules............."


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## burkhome (Sep 5, 2010)

Close enough for government work.


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## Fishbucket (Aug 18, 2010)

Nate1778 said:


> My dad always says in regards to my woodworking hobby,
> 
> 
> Holding up one finger on one hand and two on the other hiding the rest as if they were not present anymore, and states;
> ...


 
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:


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## H. A. S. (Sep 23, 2010)

"I could eat the ass out of a skunk!"


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## In-com-plete (Oct 28, 2010)

My favorite saying comes from a movie, but I think it's so true.

"Fear causes hesitation. And hesitation causes your worst fears to come true."


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## Dixiemade Woodworks (Nov 5, 2010)

Getting directions in Georgia: "Just foller me and turn off a half a mile before I do."

"If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. Damn you're tough."

"New York? I wouldn't get out of the electric chair to go to New York!"

"Hey, you got change for a dollar? Good, let me borrow fifty cents."

"Excuse me, honey, do you ever commit adultery? No? You mind holding still for a minute while I do?

I'll think of some more later.


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## Dixiemade Woodworks (Nov 5, 2010)

Here's another one: "Even a broke clock's right twice a day."


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## schnitz (Sep 5, 2009)

Whenever I get a new project dumped on me on very short notice, I typically respond with this one that comes from Jeff Foxworthy: I'm on it like a pack of dogs on a 3 legged cat....


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## Bob Willing (Jul 4, 2008)

A sign in my father shop read, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!”


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## WoodRic (Jun 17, 2009)

If you see a turtle on a fencepost, you can bet he had help getting there.


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## jlhaslip (Jan 16, 2010)

WoodRic said:


> If you see a turtle on a fencepost, you can bet he had help getting there.


http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokebushpostturtle.htm

:laughing::laughing::laughing:


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## TexasTimbers (Oct 17, 2006)

I hadn't seen that yet. Thank you. :thumbsup:




.


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## BigJim (Sep 2, 2008)

Is it shorter to New York than it is by plane?

Do you feel more like now than you did while ago?

Is it hotter down south than it is in the summer?

Do you feel better all over more than anywhere else?


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## Dixiemade Woodworks (Nov 5, 2010)

"I'm not a pessimist. Sooner or later, life ****s on everyone. Pretending it's not **** make you an idiot, not an optimist."


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## b00kemdano (Feb 10, 2009)

My father's parenting wisdom: "Punch 'em in the stomach so it doesn't leave a mark!"


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## Mizer (Mar 11, 2010)

looked at me like a mule starring at a new gate.


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## toddj99 (Jan 1, 2008)

"lessons are remembered much longer and much more clearly if they happened to be learned the hard way."


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## ScottyB (Mar 1, 2009)

A nickle ain't worth a dime anymore. -- Yogi Berra


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## neiabutcher (Oct 10, 2008)

Whenever my dad thought we were taking too long to get something done he would say: "it's time to sh-- or get off the pot."


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## Fishbucket (Aug 18, 2010)

*It's better to toot your own horn...*
* you dont know where the other's lips have been.*


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## ihackwood (Sep 5, 2009)

my lead back in the day had a comeback for everything. i'd go look at his work and he would hack it. well when i said something to him he looked at me stonefaced and said it was an expansion joint.

i friggen died on that one, he was such a bull****ter.had to laugh


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## Geoguy (Feb 22, 2008)

The old, carpenter I used to work with always said,
"If I were to ever jump out of a plane, I wouldn't use a parachute,,,,
I'd just tie an extension cord around my waist - it's sure to get hung on somethin' on the way down."


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## WoodRic (Jun 17, 2009)

If you don't have time to do it right the first time, when will you have time to do it twice!?!?


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## Board stretcher (Nov 1, 2010)

Rule #1 for a man! " Never fight naked unless your in prison"


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## fivecodys (Oct 21, 2009)

Dad used to say,
"Wish in one hand and pee in the other and see which one get's full first"!

He aslo used to say that arguing with a woman is like rocking in a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do but you don't get anywhere.

He also tells me that my grandkids sure are smart and good looking.
He says that usually skips a generation. 

Bill


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## burkhome (Sep 5, 2010)

Sign on the wall of Dad's shop.

Rules of Shop

Rule#1. In this shop I am always right.
Rule#2. If I am wrong, refer to rule#1.

This is paraphrased. I think it had a little catchier wording. I'm getting too old to remember things right.


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## mdeiley (Jul 4, 2007)

A wise monkey doesn't monkey with another monkeys monkey.


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## BWSmith (Aug 24, 2010)

Dad would see some old beatup PU truck with a load of junk....."They're moving H**L,and there goes the first load".BW


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